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Talking clock

会说话的钟

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”

这是第一篇~

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的 经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人 说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝 并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

呵呵,一个比一个效率高.

英语趣味小故事

Three little pigs 三只小猪

There lived a mother pig. 那住着一个猪妈妈。

She had three piglets. 她有三只猪宝宝

mother pig:Yuyu!Lulu!Gugu!

piglets:Here. 在这.

They were very cute! 他们非常可爱

The piglets grew up day by day. 猪宝宝们一天天的长大了

It was Sunday. 今天是星期日

mother pig:It's time for you to go. 是你们该离开的时间了

You should build your own house. 你们应该盖自己的房子

piglets: Hurray!That must be fun! 太好了，那一定很有趣

mother pig:But you must take care. 但是你们必须小心点

Make a strong house. 盖一个结实的房子

So the wolf can’t come in. 大灰狼才进不来

piglets:Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? 哼，谁怕那只又大又坏的老狼？

gugu:I will make a strong house. 我要盖一个结实的房子

It was Monday. 这天是星期一

It's a sunny day! 今天是个晴天

yuyu:I'll build my house with straw. 我要用稻草盖我的房子

It's easy. 太简单了

I'm finished. 我完成了

It was Tuesday.星期二

Yuyu went to Lulu's house.yuyu去了lulu的房子

Are you finished? 你完成了吗

lulu:Not yet.没有

I will build my house with sticks. 我要用砖盖我的房子

yuyu:You are so silly! 你真是太傻了

I built my house with straw.我用稻草盖的房子

Now I'm going to play.Goodbye. 现在我要去玩了 拜拜

lulu:My house will be stronger.我的房子一定会很结实的

It was Wednesday.星期三

yuyu:Are you finished? 你完成了吗

lulu:I'm finished. 我完成了

yuyu:Let's go to see Gugu's house.我们去看看gugu的房子吧

lulu:All right. 好的

They went to Gugu's house.他们去了gugu的房子

yuyu&lulu:Are you finished? 你完成了么

gugu:Not yet. 没有

I'll built my house with bricks.我要用石头盖我的房子

yuyu&lulu:You are so silly.你太傻了

yuyu:Ibuilt my house with straw. 我是用稻草盖的房子

lulu:I built my house with sticks.我是用砖盖的房子

yuyu&lulu:Now we are going to play.Bye.现在我们要去玩了 拜

gugu:My house will be the strongest.我的房子一定是最结实的

He worked hard.他认真的工作着

It was Thursday. 星期四

gugu:Hurray!I'm finished.太好了 我完成了

My house is very strong. 我的房子非常结实

It was Friday.星期五

Awolf came prowling around. 一只老狼来到了周围

wolf:Little pig little pig let me in,letme in.小猪小猪 让我进来让我进来

yuyu:I won't let you in. 我才不让你进来

wolf:I will blow your house.我要吹倒你的房子

The wolf began to huff and puff.老狼开始吹

yuyu:Ouch!Help ,Lulu help me.啊 救命 lulu救救我

lulu:Hurry!Come in.快点进来

Shut the door.关上门

wolf:Little pigs,little pigs let me in let me in.小猪小猪 让我进来 让我进来

yuyu&lulu:We won't let you in.我们不让你进来

wolf:I will blow you r house.我要吹倒你的房子

yuyu&lulu:Hurray! 太好了

wolf:I will push it down.我要推倒你的房子

yuyu&lulu:Ouch!Help ,gugu help us.啊 救命 gugu救救我们

gugu:Hurry.Come in . 快进来

Shut the door. 关上门

wolf:Little pigs little pigs let me in let me in.小猪们小猪们 让我进来让我进来

piglets:We won't let you in . 我们不让你进来

wolf:I will push it down. 我要推倒你的房子

piglets:Hurray! 太好了

Wait and see. 你们等着

wolf:I will come back tomorrow. 我明天会回来的

It was Saturday.星期六

wolf:I will come down the chimney.我要从烟囱下去

gugu:Get a big pot.拿个大锅来

Fill it with boiling water. 添满沸腾的水

The wolf sild down the chimney.老狼从烟囱滑下来

He fell right into the pot. 他正好掉进大锅里面

wolf:Ouch,it's too hot.啊 太热了

piglets:Hurray!You big bad wolf.Get out. 太棒了 你这个又大又坏的老狼 滚出去

The wolf ran away never came back. 老狼跑掉了就再也没回来

Three little pigs lived happily.三只小猪快乐的生活着

关于英语小故事1分钟幽默

1． Honesty

诚实

A man went to an insurance office to have his life insured. The manager of the office asked him how old his parents were when they died.

“Mother had a bad heart and died at the age of thirty. Father died of tuberculosis when he was thirty-five.”

“I am very sorry,”said the manager,“we cannot insure your life as your parents were not healthy.”

As the man was leaving the office, depressed, he met a clerk, who had overheard the conversation.

“You must not be so frank and tell the truth,”said the clerk,“no office will insure you if you speak like that. Use your imagination a little.”

The man went to another office and was shown into the manager's room.

“Well, young man, how old were your parents when they died?”

“Mother was ninety-three, and she died from a fall off her bicycle. Father was ninety-eight and he died while he was playing football.”

2. An American on a British Train

一个美国人乘英国火车

A young American entered a railway compartment on a British train, to discover that all seats were occupied, Including one on which was seated a small dog. To its owner, a middle-aged lady wearing a large hat, he said politely,“Excuse me, ma'am, but may I sit down?”

She said nothing, but merely sniffed and turned over the pages of her newspaper.

Again he said,“Excuse me, ma'am, but may I have this seat, please? And again she ignored him.

For a third time the young American said,“Ma'am, would you please remove your dog so that I may sit down?”

And for the third time the snooty matron totally ignored him, so he opened a window, picked up the dog, threw it out, and then sat on the empty seat.

There was a stunned silence, and then an Englishman sitting opposite said,“You know, you Yanks are the strangest people. You drive on the wrong side of the road. You eat with the fork in the wrong hand, you name the floors in the wrong numbers, and now you've just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!”

3．A Bad Foot

受伤的脚

There was a bookseller who did not like to pay for anything. One day a big box of books fell on his foot.

“Go to the doctor,”said his wife，“show that foot to him.”

“No,”he said,“I'll wait until the doctor comes to our shop next time. Then I'll ask him about my foot. If I go to see him, I shall have to pay.”

The next day the doctor came to the shop to buy some books. The bookseller told the doctor about his bad foot. The doctor looked at it and promised to help.

He took out a piece of paper and wrote something on it.“Buy this and put it on the foot before you go to bed every night.”he said.

“Thank you.”said the bookseller.“And now, sir, here are your books.”

“How much?”asked the doctor.

“Two pounds.”

“Good,”said the doctor.“I shall not have to pay you anything today.”

“Why?”asked the bookseller.

“I have examined your foot. I want two pounds for that. If people come to my house, I ask them to pay one pound for a small thing like that. But when I go to their houses, I usually charge two pounds. And I came here today, didn't I? Bye-bye!”

4.The Gold and the Fur Coat

金子与皮大衣

A young man and an old man were waiting for a bus at a station. They sat next to each other.

“What's that in your bag?”asked the young man, pointing to a big bag beside the old man.

“Gold, nothing but gold,”answered the old man.

The young man could hardly believe his own ears,“What?”he said to himself in surprise.“So much gold? My God! How I wish to be able to get so much gold!”Then he began to think about how to get the gold.

The old man looked tired and sleepy and it seemed that he could hardly keep his eyes open.“Are you sleepy, sir?”asked the young man.“Then you'd better lie down on the chair and have a good rest. Don't worry about the bus. I'll wake you up in time.”

“All right. It's very kind of you, young man.”The old man lay down and before long he fell asleep.

The young man took the big bag gently. But when he was about to run away, he found a corner of his fur coat was under the old man's body. Several times he tried to pull it out, but he couldn't. At last he took off his coat and went away with the bag.

The young man ran out of the station as quickly as his legs could carry him. When he reached a place where he thought the old man couldn't find him, he stopped and quickly opened the bag.

To his surprise, there was nothing but a lot of small stones in it. He hurried to the station at once. But when he got there, he found the old man was gone.

5． Shave Me First

先给我刮脸

A barber was in his shop, busily cutting a man's hair, when a handsome young stranger came in. He had a small boy with him. They sat down together and waited until the barber had finished. Then the young man told the barber to shave him and to cut the small boy's hair.

The barber said,“Do you want me to cut the boy's hair first, or to shave you?”

“Oh, shave me.”said the young man.“Then I'll go down the road and have a glass of wine while you're cutting the boy's hair.”

The young man sat down in the barber's chair, and the barber began to shave him.

When he had finished, the young man got up and said,“I'll go down the road now and have my wine while you're cutting the boy's hair.”

“All right, but I won't take long.”the barber warned him. The young man went out, the small boy obediently sat down in the barber's chair，and the barber began to cut his hair.

As he had said, he soon finished, and then the boy sat down and waited. At the end of half an hour, when the young man had still not come back, the barber said to the boy,“It is a pity that your daddy's taking such a long time. Where is he likely to be now?”

“I can't guess,”answered the small boy.“And that man wasn't my daddy. I've never seen him before in my life. I was playing in the street this morning, and he came up to me and asked me whether I'd like to have my hair cut without having to pay anything. I said I would, because my hair was rather long, so he brought me here.”

6.The Man and His Monkey

耍猴的人

A small crowd had gathered round the entrance to the park. His curiosity aroused, Robert crossed the road to see what was happening. He found that the centre of attraction was an old man with a performing monkey. The monkey's tricks ,he soon discovered, were in no way remarkable. So after throwing a few pennies in the dirty hat which the man had placed on the pavement, Robert began to move off, along with other members of the crowd.

At this point the man suddenly let out a loud cry. Everyone turned to see what had happened. The man was bending over his monkey, which now lay quite still

一年级简短的英语故事

幼儿 英语 故事 对激发幼儿 学习英语 兴趣,培养幼儿的听、说及交际等诸方面的能力有着不可或缺的作用。我整理了关于1分钟幽默英语小故事，欢迎阅读!

关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇一

A Jew, an Indian and a black were lined up to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

一位犹太人、一位印第安人和一位黑人列队进入天国之门。

Said the Jew to St. Peter, 66 Frankly, I'm rather surprised to be here. All my life Christians have despised and reviled me. "

那位犹太人对圣彼得说：“坦白讲，能到这里让我蛮惊讶的，我一辈子一直都受到__的轻视和侮辱。”

"That's a great sorrow to us," said St. Peter, "but you won-t find that kind of prejudice here. Here, all are truly equal. Just spell God and you may enter. "

“我们实在感到非常遗憾，”圣彼得说，“但我们这里没有那样的偏见，这里每个人都完全平等，只要拼出G。d这个词你就能进入天堂。”

Next,the Indian came forward and said,"St.Peter,all my life I suffered from poverty and discrimination,and could only live in a reservation.Will I truly be free here?"

那名犹太人正确地拼出 God后，被招入门内。 接着印第安人走向前说道“圣彼得，我一辈子饱受贫穷和种族歧视的打击，而且只能住在居留地内，我在这里能得到真正的自由吗?”

"My son, your troubles are over. Just spell the word God you will be free as a bird. "

“小兄弟，你的烦恼已经结束了，只要拼出God这个词，你就能像小鸟一样自由自在。”

The Indian obliged and he, too, entered the Heavenly Kingdom.

印第安人照着做，不久也被引入天堂。

Next, the black man strode forward. "St. Peter," he said, "all my life people looked down on me and treated me unfairly. That won't happen here, will it?"

接着那名黑人跨步向前，“圣彼得，”他说道，“一辈子人们都瞧不起我，不公平对待我，在这里那些事不会发生吧!”

"Of course not, my boy. We don't do that kind of thing here. Just spell" onomatopoeia "and the Kingdom of Heaven is yours "

“当然不会，我的弟兄，我们不会做那样的事，只要拼出onomatopoeia这个词，天堂之国就是你的了!”

　关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇二

The black couple already had eight children, and Lula May was pregnant with her ninth. Finally she convinced her husband to get a vasectomy.

一对黑人夫妇已有八个小孩，而鲁拉?梅又怀了第九个小孩,最后她说服了她先生去做男性绝育手术。

On the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her husband putting on a tuxedo and getting into a limousine for the short ride to the hospital.

手术的早晨，她惊讶地看见她老公穿着礼服，乘坐一辆礼车到不远的医院去。

"Say, honey, what's all this about?" asked Lula May.

"亲爱的，这是怎么一回事啊?鲁拉?梅问道。"

"Baby, if you gonna be important, you gotta look important.

"宝贝，如果你想当名大人物的话，就要让人一看就知道你很重要!"

　关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇三

Smith was the manager of a construction',event)">construction company and was taking bids on a new project. The first bidder was a Polish company, and their representative offered to do the job for $ 400,000.

"That seems reasonable," said Smith. "Can you give me a breakdown on that?"

史密斯是一家建设公司的经理，他正负责一个新工程的招标案。第一位投标的是一家波兰公司，他们的代表出价四十万元接那个案子。“似乎很合理，”史密斯说。“你可不可以给我一张明细表呢?”

"Sure," said the Pole, " $200, 000 for labor and $ 200,000 for materials. "

“当然没问题，”波兰公司代表说道，“廿万元工资，廿万元材科费。”

Next to make a bid was the Standard American Construction',event)">Construction Company, which bid $ 800,000.

下一个出标的是美国标准建设公司，他们以八十万元竞标。

"Hmm, that seems a bit high," said Smith. "What's the breakdown?"

“嗯，这个价钱似乎有些偏高，”史密斯说道。“你们有明细表吗?

" $ 400,000 0n materials, $ 400,000 0n labor. "

“四十万元材料，四十万元工资。”

"I'll get back to you. "

“我以后再同你联系。”

Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smith's office.

最后可翰?高斯坦?雷伯威兹公司的代表走进史密斯办公室。“一百廿万元是我们竞标的价码，”代表说道。

" $ 1,200,000 is our bid," said the agent."$11 200, 0001 That' s way out of line," exclaimed Smith. "Can you give me a brea kdown on that?"

“一百廿万元这个标高得太过分了，”史密斯叫道：“你可以给我一张明细表吗?"

"No problem," replied the rep. " $400, 000 for me,$ 400 , 000 for you and $ 400 . 000 for the Polacks.

“没有问题，”代表回答道。“四十万元给我，四十万元给你，最后四十万元则给那家波兰佬开的公司。”

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1. 英语小故事1分钟幽默

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4. 英语小故事3分钟幽默

5. 英语小故事1分钟左右

6. 英语新颖小故事1分钟

幼儿 英语 故事 对激发幼儿 学习英语 兴趣,培养幼儿的听、说及交际等诸方面的能力有着不可或缺的作用。下面是我为大家整理的一年级简短的英语故事，仅供参考。

　一年级简短的英语故事篇一

　Jack is a little goose. He has a lovely hat. He likes wearing it very much. But when he sits, his hat can?t stay on his head.

　杰克是一只小鹅。它有一顶可爱的帽子，他非常喜欢戴它。当它坐着时，他的帽子总是戴着头上。

　He puts his hat down and begins to play game with the hat. When he gets tired of the game, things are not the same.

　它脱下它的帽子并开始用帽子玩游戏。当它玩累时，事情就不是那样了。

　He can?t find his hat. Where is it? Jack thinks hard. He looks up and down, and walks here and there. He can?t find his hat yet.

　它没有找到他的帽子。它在哪里?杰克仔细想。它上下看了看，到处找了找，还是没有找到它的帽子。

　At this time, his mother comes in. As soon as she sees Jack, she cries, “Oh, my dear! Don?t be foolish. Your hat is on your head.”

　这时，它的母亲走进来，当她看到杰克就喊道：“啊!亲爱的，你真笨，帽子在你的头上。”

　Jack feels very foolish. He doesn?t want to wear his hat on his head.

　杰克感到自己很愚蠢。它不想戴那顶帽子了。

　一年级简短的英语故事篇二

　It is said that there was a farmer served a poor boy on a cold windy Chrismas Eve and gave him a big chrisemas meal. The boy cut a Fir tree's branch and inserted it into the earth .

　一个 传说 记载。据说有一位农民在一个风雪交加的圣诞夜里接待了一个饥寒交迫的小孩，让他吃了一顿丰盛的圣诞晚餐，这个孩子告别时折了一根杉树枝插在地上。

　He said, "every year this time. there will be many presents in this branch. I wish I can pay back to your favor by this beautiful Fir tree. " After the boy left, the farmer discovered that the branch had grow up as a big tree.

　他说：“年年此日，礼物满枝，留此美丽的杉村，报答你的好意。”小孩走后，农民发现那树枝竟变成了一棵小树

　Then he realized that the boy was an envoy of the god. This is the origin of the chrismas day. In western countries, Whatever you are, everyone will prepare a chrismas tree to increase the happiness of the chrismas day.

　他才明白自己接待的原来是一位上帝的使者。这个故事就成为圣诞树的来源。在西方，不论是否__，过 圣诞节 时都要准备一棵圣诞树，以增加节日的欢乐气氛。

　Chrismas trees are made of evergreen tree like Fir trees and they represent the long lives.People put candles, flowers , toys, stars on the tree and they put chrismas present on the tree. On Chrismas Eve, people sing and dance happily and they enjoy themselves around the tree.

　圣诞树一般是用杉柏之类的常绿树做成，象征生命长存。树上装饰着各种灯烛、彩花、玩具、星星，挂上各种圣诞礼物。圣诞之夜，人们围着圣诞树 唱歌 跳舞，尽情欢乐。

　一年级简短的英语故事篇三

　一只眼睛的母鹿

　A doe had lost one of her eyes, and could not see anyoneapproaching her from one side.

　有头瞎了一只眼睛的母鹿，没有办法看到从瞎了的那只眼的方向靠近她的东西。

　In order to avoid any danger, she always ate on a high cliff near the sea, and looked at the land with her good eye when she was eating.

　为了躲避危险，她总是在海边的一处高崖上吃草。在她吃东西的时候，她用那只好的眼睛注视着陆地。

　By this means she could see whenever the hunters approached her on land.

　用这种 方法 ，她防备来自陆地上的猎人的袭击。

　But one hunter found out that she was blind in one eye. He rowed a boat under the cliff, andshot her from the sea.

　但是一个猎人发现她的一只眼睛是瞎的，就划着船从海上将她射杀了。

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